Readings:
EST C:12, 14-16, 23-26
PS 138
MT 7: 7-12
The message that is singing out loud and clear to me is: "ask for help, and you will receive." This is something that has never been easy for me. I feel like when I am asking for help I am admitting that I can't do something on my own and that would mean that I am weak. This has been a huge struggle this year as I have undertaken. Somedays I feel like I am hard wired for failure because I would rather fall on my face than admit I can't do something on my own, like I have something to prove. This kind of mentality is so messed up and in the end everyone loses. I think the message here is that asking for help is a strength. Its an opportunity empower others. A community is so much stronger when all talents are being embraced. Its the humility piece that I need to accept and embrace. I have to trust that when I step aside and let someone else take the reigns, that better results will come forward. This is not an easy piece of pie for me to swallow.
Oh, Laura dear, I'm afraid you mainline this character trait from me. It is common, but I can so identify and struggle to this day even though I am more than twice your senior.
ReplyDeleteI find it much easier to ask God for help in prayer, or to pray to Ed's angels. It is confidential. He knows me inside out and already knows that I need help -- it is no secret to Him.
I want others to see me as reliable, effective, having it altogether and asking for help betrays that image. There is also a control issue for me. If I work and work and work until I absolutely, desperately need help to finish then I judge I have pushed the boulder that much further down the road in my fashion and according to my will which does not allow for much buy-in from those of whose help I eventually seek.
Yes, it is much easier to pray to a God who knows all of me and still loves me with my flaws and weaknesses than to turn to others who may refuse me, or may want to do things differently and not to my standards. For me, it is a huge risk and one that I do not take too lightly. I will probably go to my grave with shovel in hand and dig my own hole in the dark of the night ; ) Mom