Oh, the Prodigal Son . . . Having been raised with a special needs sibling, I can so identify with the elder son. It seemed the focus was always on MJ, her struggles and every little achievement. I never had the grace and gift of being the baby. Big Sister is so overrated! I struggle to this day with feelings of jealousy when I judge someone or something else is garnering more than their fair share of attention. It has been easier to learn and to accept that nothing I do can overcome the sorrow that MJ's disability caused my mom, even though mom tried so hard to present it as a 'joy' and gift to our family.
With distance and time (and the gift of maturity and Tom's love!) I have come to understand that this gospel is about Redemption. God loves us all as equals. In His eyes I can be the baby, I can be loved as the jealous sister and I don't have to make up for everything that MJ could not do to be acceptable. That mindset does not come naturally, though. I have to mentally work through it every time I hear this gospel. I have to remind myself that God loves me and rejoices every time I turn to Him.
Mom
Oh mom,
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the kind of weight you must have carried not just in having a twin but having a twin with special needs. I think feelings of jealousy are often brought about by the prodigal son reading. I have often felt that the father was unfair. I thinking growing up in a big family, its hard to not feel moment of jealousy and frustration with sibling rivalry. I think all people feel at one point or another like their best is not good enough and frustrated that they are not acknowledged for all that they do. One of the hardest lessons I am learning this year at work is the lesson of team work. I am having to curb my competitive spirit and realize that if one teacher struggles, we all struggle and that the school's performance is not about me but about all the teachers as we work together to support the kinds in their learning. Its hard to keep you head held high when it feels like the people around you don't work as hard or care as much as you do. But I think for me I have to remember that is not about me, its about building the best school that provides an excellent education to kids and provides opportunities for learning that kids will remember for a life time. I want to be a part of that image and so I have to let go of my needs or desires for recognition and be a part of the team.