I think it takes a Theologian to understand John, and I just don't have that abstract brain. AND I am grateful that I am not lector-ing the first reading and struggling with the Old Testament names not once but four times!
Could I let myself be thrown into the fiery furnace for the sake of my faith? I think yes, especially today because so much around me seems to be crumpling. I'd be grateful that the temp was cranked up 7 times because death would be that much quicker.
Could I be as willing to die for my faith even when things are going well? Am I willing to stand up for my principles, for what I believe in? Am I willing to make hard changes in my life to not only survive, but to do what is needed to make this world a more compassionate place for all? I think yes. The hard part for me is a willingness to make changes when I am not comfortable with the unknown. Could I have gotten into the boat with Jesus? I could as long as I could take his hand. Could I have gotten in the boat alone? I don't think so. I need a companion; I need my Soulmate. I need to physically journey together this world hand in hand with someone. I cannot stake out on my own, I do not have the self-confidence or security.
Tom and I had a discussion in this vein last night and I think these readings and this reflection have given me insight. It is gift. He is my gift. If God were to take him away from me, I could continue on, but I would crumple on thin ice. I would need to learn to walk again, to walk alone. I think the greatest yoke one could saddle me with in this life would be that of independence. I have lived too long as an interdependent soul and I know what a gift that has been. Maybe it has crippled me, so-be-it.
MOM
Oh Mom, I hate to hear that your world is crumbling around or that you feel as if Dad is the only hand you can hold. I can understand that fear of being alone as I too share it, but I truly believe that is one of the gifts God gives us through the people of God. As long as we partake in the Eucharist and embrace our baptism we can never be truly alone. I think about your mom and Mike's grandma Joanne and how they carried on with life in the face of losing their husbands and both turned to the communities and to their family. You were so kind and generous to your mother and you were instrumental in finding her prayer groups to join, places at St. Anthony's to tutor and in the end an assisted living center that helped her to feel surrounded with people and friendship. Joanne too, spend her last years on earth embraced by her Church community and friends from the "red hat society." Both women left this world with such dignity and grace. I felt so honored and blessed to be a part of their final passing hours. Both women seemed at peace with their time and ready to make their completion. While it was so painful for those of us left behind their was this sense that they were leaving this earth without any unfinished business. You modeled such a selfless and unconditional love for all of us children growing up. And it is a love that I hope I too can emulate for my children, you showed us what true Church is in the way you opened the doors to your home to so many people in need over the years. Don't think for one minute that those acts of kindness go unnoticed. That love and that sacrifice is the imprint you have left on me and will there fore leave on this world. As an incredible mother of 5 children and a compassionate doctor of this community I just don't see loneliness in your future.
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